Sensitivity

I’ve been told that I shouldn’t be so sensitive. Let me specify that the type of sensitivity I’m referring to is not defensiveness or cynicism. The type of sensitivity I am accused, and guilty of, having is the type of emotion that causes empathy to painful degrees, and the type of emotion that causes me to form strong attachments to those around me, both humans and animals. I am quick to fall in love with anything I feel an affinity towards, which causes me to be hurt more than I probably should be. I feel bonded to those I get along with and those I admire. I used to listen to what I was told; I thought my sensitivity was a poor character trait and I tried endlessly to make it go away, to be more tough.

Now I know that sensitivity is my greatest attribute.

Working with thoroughbreds, I am told constantly that I should not get attached to my animals. This is something I have never been able to comply with. I have lost more than a few of my precious angels, and the thoughts bring tears back to my eyes as I write this. While I fought with misery and grief over these losses, some of those around me were able to shrug it off as part of the job. I believe that when horses come down to assets as part of a business, that those business manager needs to run, and quickly. Between grief and nothing, I choose grief, because if there is grief, there was once love. And if I cannot have deep feelings for the animals in my care I will not enjoy my work, and therefore I will not be great at it. And crying is the easiest thing to do. If you can’t do that, then what can you do?

I recall being told once that I should think about myself and not do things because it pleases others. I have an undying need to please others. Let me be very clear: to please others, not to impress others. I love to make other people happy, and when I feel as if I’ve let someone I care about down, a part of me dies.

So for as long as I am privileged to be on this earth, I will love without fear, cry without shame, and do everything in my power to make those I love happy. Sensitivity is my number one trait: it is what makes me great at what I do. Try it on for size, you might like it.